Last month, I was in Palermo, Sicily. After I unpacked, I idly started swiping on my Tinder (as you do). I expected to be humoured by the usual barrage of men refusing to show their faces, taking pictures in dark rooms or even brandishing knives and writhing naked in clay. If you don’t think this happens, check out 10 Bad Tinder Profiles in Penang and 20 Bad Tinder Profiles In Taipei. Instead I was welcomed with hotness, muscles and well-thought-out photos. So, instead of my usual educational tour of shitty Tinder profiles, this article is a guide on how to make a bomb-ass Italian Stallion Tinder Profile! While I wouldn’t recommend ALL of these looks (especially bulging crotches), these 5 tips will make you look Italian as fuck on Tinder.
Italian Stallion Tinder Profile Tip 1: Be Classy
In Sicily, there was no laddishness or drunkness on Tinder; everything was smooth and classy. Here are some Italian Stallion looks you could replicate…
The Secret Agent On The Beach
“Look at me sipping my Cuba Libre with my shirt undone and my hair tousled on the beach. This picture was totally unplanned.”
The Italian Cigarette Hold
I don’t recommend smoking, but you’ve gotta agree that this dude makes it look cool with the perfect-pincer grip and that dreamy gaze. He also looks a tiny bit like Ray Liotta in Good Fellas…
‘The Classy Drinker’
This guy isn’t going to take a blurry picture of himself drunk in a pub to show the ladies that he can have a good time. Oh no. He’s a classy drinker with good photography skills.
Usually, I hate when men block out their faces on Tinder – I mean, how am I meant to see you? But this Italian Stallion makes it all look planned and funny with the wink face plate. And the biceps help too.
Italian Stallion Tinder Profile Tip 2: Find Any Excuse To Be Topless
Topless gym pics = No (unless you have an 8-pack). There are better ways to do it. Some of these poses are questionable, but I’m not complaining, because it’s all eye-candy. Try them and see what happens…
The Casual Walker
“Just on my way to the Co-Op… ”
“If you swipe right, I will lift you up with my big muscles and protect you forever.”
Mr Cigar And Chill
It doesn’t get cooler than this (even though smoking is bad).
The Topless Professor
“The knowledge from these books goes into my muscles through osmosis and makes me smart.”
Those Abs Tho
I know… it’s a mirror selfie… But they’re so pretty…
Italian Stallion Tinder Profile Tip 3: Show Off Your Interests
This is a great tip to follow! The Italian Stallions seemed to have lots of interests that showed off attractive qualities – all great for attracting Tinder matches. Remember, the whole point of pictures on Tinder is to tell a story about you without using words.
The Stallion On A Stallion
Good with animals and has great thighs? Check.
So, this guy has a great sense of rhythm… and dresses well.
The Kitchen Fiend
A date who can cook is a turn-on for both genders. Even if this picture is kind of blurry and the food doesn’t (yet) look amazing, it still passes as hot.
“I have a sense of adventure and my biceps look good without me trying here.”
Italian Stallion Tinder Profile Tip 4: Look Like a Celebrity
OK, so it wasn’t enough that Sicilians are hotter than us mere mortals. There were also quite a few that looked like celebs. Here are my favourites:
When he knows winter is coming and it’s cuffing season on Tinder.
Jon Snow 2
Look, he has a direwolf too!!
Basically, the whole GOT cast was on Tinder in Sicily.
Look at that pouty face and tell me he isn’t Zayn.
Italian Stallion Tinder Profile Tip 5: Get Out The Budgie Smugglers
OK, this I DO NOT recommend!! I asked one guy why budgie smugglers are so prevalent and he said it was to avoid tan lines. At the cost of exposing your bulge for the world to see..? Nope. Unfortunately, it seemed an integral part of many Italian Stallion profiles.
Budgie smugglers on a skinny guy
Budgie smugglers on a more built guy
Budgie smugglers with fruit
Thinking the grapes will look exotic and tempt me..? Nope.
Budgie smugglers when you’re lounging
Budgie smugglers from down below
Why… Just why?
So. In summary, Italians/Sicilian guys are pretty good overall with Tinder pictures and guys around the world can learn some stuff from them. If you want to take some inspo from them, do the following things:
- Think about varied and creative ways to be topless
- Show off all your awesome and amazing interests and shizzle
- Get your crotch out in budgie smugglers – But actually, really DON’T do this.