He had 2 tinder pictures and his bio said that he was ‘an Arty Music Gigolo’. Still, something possessed me to swipe right. I was 22, a complete newbie to Tinder and to dating in general and after two days of swiping, he seemed kind of mysterious. My dating life pre-tinder had been pathetic and consisted of awkward encounters and bad sex from university with boys. I wanted a man and to go on a good date. Kasanova was 36 and my first tinder date.
Date of the date: November 2013. I wish I could remember the day.
Read about all my other tinder dates HERE.
First Impressions of #Kasanova, My First Tinder Date:
I was so nervous. I had never been on an actual date before. Like a date-date and not just a chance encounter at the Student Union Bar and so my stomach was doing backflips. Kasanova arrived 10 minutes late at Liverpool Street Station, where we were meant to meet and that didn’t help my nerves.
But when my first tinder date came and reached out to shake my hand, I was a bit breathless. He was confident, tall and walked fast – Hallelujah, an adult who knows how to conduct himself. Thank fuck. I think I giggled and talked nervously as a coping mechanism all the way to the first bar we went to.
The Breakfast Club in Spitalfields. We wanted to go to a special and much-hyped secret bar called The Mayor of Scaredy Cat Town, which you have to walk through a fridge behind The Breakfast Club to get to, but the bar was closed at the time, so we made do with sitting in the restaurant for a bit. It weirdly resembled the place that Vince and Mia danced in in Pulp Fiction, so was memorable enough for me.
After a while, we made our way to Nightjar in Shoreditch. This was a sexy, dimly lit bar with comfy couches and dark wood panelling. I remember that the cocktails were awesome. It felt like a Chinese opium den for some reason (hey it was my first date; I was excited and I have a big imagination…)
A great plus about dating a man and not a boy is that they know where to take a date. Ever since we met, Kasanova’s always the one suggesting locations and we always happen to visit awesome places.
Convo @ My First Tinder Date:
I remember telling Kasanova my age and him stopping to raise his eyebrows (it was on my profile, but I guess men have goldfish memories). I casually mentioned that it was my first tinder date and he laughed and replied “Bullshit” until I convinced him with an offended glare.
What else did we talk about? The details are blurry. I remember that he read my palm or something dopey at one point in Nightjar and I knew that was an excuse to hold my hand. It made me feel good to know that he was trying to pull moves on me – this is what is meant to happen; not clumsy attempts to grope straight away. We got on really well and I laughed a lot on my first tinder date. It satisfied me that he thought I was very mature for my age. He was and is a great listener, a smooth talker and refreshingly cynical.
At the end of the date, we kissed as the tube pulled into the station (and missed the tube). But it was a shitty kiss. I felt that his mouth moved too fast and his tongue was too rough. His hands did OK though. We had another kiss outside Brixton tube station and it was more of the same, which was a bit disappointing. However, there is a twist to the kissing story. And you can read more about how NOT to kiss HERE.
Food and Drink:
For my first tinder date, I think I had a rum and coke in The Breakfast Club and in Nightjar I had a cocktail served in a fruit or something special. Nightjar does great drinks – I can remember that much even now. No idea now what Kasanova had.
A long coat, a snood, a nice sweater and dark jeans.
God, I really didn’t know what to wear that day. A black jumper that was too loose and a red and black checked skirt.
8.75/10. Kasanova reassured me that there are great dates out there in the big bad world, even if the kiss was shitty at the time. It was a brilliant first tinder date with a hell of a lot of chemistry. Very memorable.
So, Then What Happened?
So, then I dated him for about a month. After three tinder dates I said “I really like you, can you delete tinder?” Poor little naïve me. He looked at me funny and promptly jumped off at the next train stop.
On the next date, he told me he wasn’t ready to be in anything serious. I said that was fine (even though I secretly wanted more). I had been through this spiel before. Then he said that after a big incident in his life and a divorce, he couldn’t really be in anything and that he couldn’t stop himself being attracted to other women. He had found it very difficult to transition into this kind of a person but he just had. My stomach started to sink – oh damn, this is a new kind of bastard.
He went on to say that he had met this other woman and was attracted to her and hadn’t had sex with her but wanted to. Obviously, he would always tell me in advance and would always stay protected, but he just didn’t see the point in stopping himself. At the same time, he was very attracted to me and wanted to keep dating.
Oh fuck, I’d done it again and been a fool. So, I said in a small, quiet voice (ensuring I didn’t cry) “I can understand that for you, but it’s not for me”, gathered my things and left with my injured pride.
Kasanova was shocked and kind of impressed that I didn’t make a bigger issue out of it and insisted on walking me back to the tube station. On the way there, I talked logically about how polygamy works for some people, but I was looking for ‘the one’ and wanted someone loyal. After all, romance was more than friendship. There was no shouting, because I hate drama and didn’t want my first tinder date to remember me that way. I also respected him for telling me the truth to my face and not trying to hide it. When I got home I cried, felt shit and didn’t get another good date for a while, which sucked. But I didn’t delete his number.
Two years passed since my first tinder date
And with them a lot of tinder dates – good, bad and ugly. I stopped hoping for relationships from tinder, but I wouldn’t call myself ‘liberated’ in the sense of how I am today. I think I was just jaded and my expectations had fallen. I just wanted his company when I got in touch with him again. Nothing more (cough *maybe sex*). And it felt so good to just laugh and not give a fuck.
Fast forward another couple of years and Kasanova and I now have a strangely positive relationship. We meet once every blue moon and just get on. I am no more ‘attached’ to him than he is to me – I just think of him as a weird but kind of important friend. He is a genuinely nice person, even though it’s easy to paint him in the light of a villain. He offers me a listening ear, brutally honest opinions, never judges the ugliest sides to my personality and is fantastic company. I’ve offered to pimp his tinder profile (if you email me, I’ll help with yours). We’ve even learned how to kiss in sync – Maybe by following THIS advice.
Knowing him has strengthened my belief in the following lessons I’ve taught myself:
- Never be emotionally dependent on one person. Apart from yourself. However, I fell into that trap a bit with #The One That Broke My Heart.
- Happiness is inherently selfish; making yourself happy will make you happier than living for others.
- It’s important to have a balanced relationship with everyone; so you like them as much as they like you – this prevents shit from getting toxic.
- It’s better to appreciate positive characteristics in lots of people rather than dismissing those people, because they are not ‘perfect’ and have negative traits.
I think of Kasanova as an unlikely positive influence. I don’t love him (he’s too fucked and I don’t feel that way) – I just appreciate what he offers me. He’s like Loki – the villain who can at times be seen as a cynical voice of reason. A lot of people may disagree. Nevertheless, not many people can say “I’m still in touch with my first tinder date”.