Ghosting: The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date – Urban Dictionary.
Have you ever been ghosted? I have. Loads of times. Once I went to a house party, had a great night, met this nice guy who seemed super into me and gave me his number. I repeat: He gave me his number – not the other way round. A few days later, the two of us met for drinks, had a great time and then…. He disappeared off the face of the earth, leaving me wondering what the hell happened. Sound familiar? Yeah well, apparently 80% of millennials in the US and Canada have been ghosted according to Plenty of Fish – so I’m not alone. Ghosting sucks and shouldn’t happen.
Why Does Ghosting Even Happen?
But you know what? I’m not going to be a hypocrite here and pretend to be an angel. I have ghosted guys too and felt shit afterwards. Mainly because I thought I HAD to when I didn’t feel a spark and didn’t know what to say. These are the most common reasons why ghosters vanish into radio silence:
- Not wanting to be impolite
- Not having the confidence to tell the ghostee to their face that they’re not interested or even text them
- Wanting to avoid confrontation
- Getting scared of commitment
- Fearing that the ghostee will stalk them or not want to let them go
- Not being interested in ghostee but wanting to keep them as a future option
- Juggling so many relationships that they forget to wrap things up with the ghostee
- Not thinking that any explanation is necessary in anything less than an actual relationship
- Wanting to prevent the ghostee’s feelings from getting hurt by not saying anything
- Not respecting the ghostee
- Feeling depression or trauma
Apart from the last reason, they are all bullshit (and if you’re not in a great place, then… stop dating for a while until you sort yourself out). Yup, I was full of shit when I ghosted anyone in the past. At the end of the day, we’re all human beings with feelings that deserve the minimum amount of respect required to send a simple text message. In my opinion, not getting any answers is worse than hearing it and being able to move on.
Apart from making us feel like idiots and damaging our self-esteem, social rejection activates the same pathways in the brain as physical pain – which explains the whole ‘punched in the gut’ feeling that materializes when we’re ghosted. Ghosting is emotional cruelty and we need to stop it.
“What can you write when you want to stop seeing someone but don’t want to look like a dick?” You ask. Aha. That’s where I come in. These texts are for all the different scenarios where ghosting might happen (but really shouldn’t); you want to cut it off, you want to see them as friends (like actually), there’s no spark, you’re not interested anymore, you’re busy, you’re dealing with personal shit, etc. etc. Pick the one that applies to your situation et voila! You’re not a ghost!
20 Ghostbusting Texts To Beat Ghosting
- Hey, that was an awesome date and you’re a great person, but I didn’t feel any chemistry.
- Hey, I had lots of fun but don’t really think we’re compatible. All the best 😊
- Hi, I had a great time with you, but I’m going through some personal issues right now and after thinking about it, I don’t think it’s the right time for me to be dating. I hope you understand.
- Hi, I really think you’re a great person, but I don’t feel a romantic connection. I’d like to stay friends though, because I enjoy your company. Is that OK?
- Sorry, but I don’t think I’d like to see you again, because we are not compatible.
- Hey, I’m not ready to date right now and am not looking for anything casual. Even though you’re great and I had fun, I don’t want to do it again. Sorry if I led you on in any way.
- Hi, I just realized that I will be extremely busy for a while and won’t be able to date again any time soon. It’s probably best if we don’t date again, because I don’t want to be a dick to you. Really sorry about this and all the best.
- Hi, I’m going to be very busy for the next two weeks with work. I really enjoyed your company, but won’t be able to date before then. Would it be OK if we dated once things have calmed down my end? If you say no, I totally understand.
- I think the spark died down between us (you probably feel the same way) and it would be best if we went our separate ways.
- Hi, I had so much fun last night. I’m not ready for anything serious right now but would be OK to occasionally meet up and keep things casual. Is that OK with you? If not, I understand.
- I had fun, but I feel we are both looking for different things and shouldn’t date again. I’m sure you feel the same way too. All the best.
- Hey, you’re awesome but I didn’t feel any chemistry between us and I don’t think any more dates will change it. Did you feel the same?
- I thought of our relationship and I don’t see it progressing. It would be better if we ended it now. I wish you the very best.
- I had a lovely time on Thursday, but just didn’t feel that elusive spark (and I’m sure you felt the same). It was lovely to meet you and best of luck in your search.
- I’m really sorry but I don’t think I’m in a place to date right now, even though I thought I was. I’m dealing with some personal issues and I wish you all the best.
- I really enjoyed chatting and would love to see you again, but for me it would be as friends – would you be OK with that?
- I feel that we aren’t compatible and would like to end all further communication. I wish you all the best.
- Hey, thanks for meeting me yesterday. I had a lovely time, but didn’t feel a spark and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way. Always awkward to be the first to say this, but I don’t want to ghost you!
- Hi, I don’t want to see someone who is rude to waiters again. Bye.
- It was great meeting you, but I’m leaving the country tomorrow. All the best.
Things To Note:
- Try to say something nice about them and how you had a great time – it doesn’t hurt to be nice.
- Try and save their dignity by saying that they probably feel the same way.
- Try to end on a positive note, e.g. ‘All the best’ or ‘Good luck’.
- Be upfront about your intentions. If you don’t want to meet again, say it. If you actually want to stay friends, let them know.
- Some of the above texts are harsher than others – only use the harsh ones e.g. 5 and 19 on jerks who have behaved badly. Other people deserve something nicer.
In conclusion: Be a fucking nice person, because…. Karma is a bitch.
Do you have any more ghostbusting texts that could apply? Have you sent one like this? Let me know!