Ah bad tinder profiles. They’re like White Walkers or a zombie apocalypse… No matter how much you swipe left to kill them, they just keep coming. But we can all learn a shit-tonne from them on what NOT to do, if you don’t want me and fellow swipers looking for dateable males to run for the hills screaming.
Location: Taipei, Taiwan.
Listen up Taipei dudes – Dinosaur footprints, unicorn condoms and baby penises don’t turn me on and I can safely say I haven’t met anyone yet with a fetish for them. So if you’re reading this and find yourself featured, maybe change your bad tinder profiles – Here, this will help.
Anyway, on to the top 20 of Taipei…
Bad Tinder Profile 1: Condom Skillz
Bad Tinder Profile 2: My Ripped Friend
Bad Tinder Profile 3: Knife to know you…
Bad Tinder Profile 4: Bro, do you even vape?
Bad Tinder Profile 5: When he wore a Niqab
Bad Tinder Profile 6: Love in an Elevator
Bad Tinder Profile 7: Flatpack or Fatpack?
Bad Tinder Profile 8: Douchebaggery Central
Bad Tinder Profile 9: A Dino-Date
Bad Tinder Profile 10: Agent Smith’s Revenge?
Bad Tinder Profile 11: Here, have some food
Bad Tinder Profile 12: What A Nightmare…
Bad Tinder Profile 13: Fuck the game!
Bad Tinder Profile 14: My Preciousss…
Bad Tinder Profile 15: Hey Grandpa!
Bad Tinder Profile 16: Say Cheese!
Bad Tinder Profile 17: Because PVC is sexy, right?
Bad Tinder Profile 18: Likes poking fingers.
Bad Tinder Profile 19: Please add me…
And my personal favourite…
Bad Tinder Profile 20: My Baby Penis
Lessons to be learned from these bad tinder profiles:
- Have a picture of you. Like you, the actual human.
- Don’t colour over it to turn yourself into Freddy Krueger or hide a hot friend or make yourself a Snapchat ghost.
- Aggressively poking and swearing is kind of scary.
And if you’re doing all that (well done!) and are still struggling with matches, then here’s some handy tools to help with making utterly irresistible tinder pictures and a tinder bio. Oh yeah, here’s how to message and here’s some more tinder hacks. You’re fucking welcome. What are you waiting for – go fix your profile and don’t forget to subscribe below if you want free personalized advice from me.
Coming soon – my tinder dates in Taipei (these dudes had decent profiles) – read about the Penang ones here.